How can I tell if my sex drive is changing?

One of the things I noticed on my journey to the nonbinary side – and at some point, I intend to talk about how I refer to much more than gender when I use that term – was that my sexuality had started to become much more fluid.

While I had gay heroes growing up, especially from the pop star fraternity, I was strictly butter side up when it came to girls. I kind of came late to the party as far as romance was concerned. I didn’t really show that much interest in anything romance-wise until Peak ‘85 when I was 14, and that should give away quite how ancient and thoroughly nerdy I am. It was only really peer pressure, or at least peer examples to follow, that even got my motor started (funnily enough, growing up with your best friends in books tends to lead to an arrested development). Within a year of that, I met the woman to whom I lost my virginity and would become my first serious girlfriend, and the die was cast.

Or so I thought.

Now, we’ll write about the virtues of losing your virginity to an older woman at some other point, but suffice it to say everyone should (maybe even straight women). I have nothing but great things to say about it. My point here is that I thought that that’s the way things would be forever, and I was wrong.

Around a year ago I started to realise that things were changing. When I was tumblrporning, I realised that I could get the old motor running in a variety of ways. Previously it was the FHM-generation staples like lesbian and MFF threesomes, but now I realised that there were other routes to get to the same destination. Bisexual MMF, forced bi, pegging, femdom, MTF and intersex trans… and I wondered how my tastes were shifting

Obviously, being a project manager, my first thought was that I needed to capture the shifting requirements. The second thought, being a project manager, was that the solution probably involved spreadsheets. And that’s when the idea of “The NPM Sex Drive Tracker” was born!


I looked through sites like tumblr, PornHub, Xhamster and to create a list of lots of different sexual activities, such as “threesome”, “bondage”, “triple anal penetration”, and so on. This was purely in the name of research, you understand, and not for personal gratification. I also used those sites to devise a list of different sexual partners – “a complete stranger”, “your boss”, “a much older person”, etc. And then finally, just to keep an eye on quite how weird I was becoming, I used a list of paraphilias, including dendrophilia (sexual attraction to trees), maschalagnia (attraction to armpits), and oculolinctus (you don’t even want to know. Even Lucio Fulci didn’t want to know).


Starting from the top, work down the list. Against each line, you have to choose one of four scores to indicate how much interest you have in that activity, partner or paraphilia:

  • 0 – Absolutely zero interest, or it’s a physical impossibility for you
  • 1 – Low interest in participating
  • 2 – Some interest in participating
  • 3 – Highly interested in participating

Remember: this is not a poll for what you have already done, or what you have historically been interested in doing. This is tracking how you feel today, now, right in this moment. You might find it more helpful to work through the list as quickly as possible, going with your instinct rather than thinking how you feel about each activity.

Once you’ve done it, there are some statistics at the bottom. Because the only thing more fun than a spreadsheet is a spreadsheet full of statistics!

Once you’ve pored over the statistics, you have to hide the column that you’ve just done. Set yourself a reminder to come back and do the activity all over again next week, or in two weeks, but probably no longer than two weeks. Keep coming back, doing it, not stopping to remember what you put last time but just capturing how you feel there and then, and don’t forget to hide the column when you’re done.

Once you have done it for several weeks and racked up plenty of columns worth of results – I’d say at least a dozen if you’re doing it every week – you can unhide the columns and see how your tastes have varied over the last few months!


Sexuality tracker

2 replies on “How can I tell if my sex drive is changing?”

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