On how I choose to celebrate my nonbinaryness

I wrote this for May 17th. I wrote it to talk about how I feel about my gender identity, and how I feel about the people who try to interact with it. I didn’t post it because frankly it makes me sound like a sentimental old hippy. And then I made a dark discovery… I…

On getting your sex education from porno mags

Like many who grew up in the north of England in the 70s and 80s, the sex education provided by my school was woeful. We had one lesson looking at the reproductive system, aged about 10, when we were all so embarrassed to see pictures of penises on our worksheets that we drew Y-fronts on…

On the removal of body hair

I first started shaving my body hair in school. If you took a Yeti, covered him in glue and then rolled him around on a barbershop floor, it would take a look at my legs and start worrying about looking hairless by comparison. It’s fair to say that it was negatively impacting my body  image…

On falling asleep to the sound of porn

My sex drive has been spectacularly erratic during lockdown. I’m single (I prefer to think of it as ‘having an imaginary sex life’) and I have wavered between living with one hand permanently down my pants, and getting dressed in the dark so that I don’t have to look at my bits. Throw in the…

On the taking of selfies for mental health

I was 47 when I took my first selfie. Defining ‘selfie’ as a photograph of oneself by oneself for purely social reasons – i.e. not because I needed a profile pic for a website, or an identification picture for my national speed awareness course – my first selfie was taken in Brighton train station. I…

On the wearing of clothes

Here’s @jvn looking gorge at the Emmys. I’m not entirely sure that I could rock that Dick Strawbridge ‘tache with quite the same confidence, but I would totally take on the rest of the look. I’ve been thinking a lot about clothing lately. Since my mental health issues really escalated, I’ve been obsessed with the…

On being a nonbinary male: 20 questions

So what are we doing here today? Answering questions on the the subject of being a nonbinary male. How many questions? 20, as per the title. Do these questions up front count? You bet your sweet ass they do. I’m not sure I can stretch this conceit out to 20 actual questions.  Hadn’t we better…

Dating a demisexual: first base and beyond

So, recently, and despite my protestations to all who would listen, and many who wouldn’t, I signed up for not just Tinder, but OKCupid too. Admittedly, I’m not that desperate to date again but the chances of finding a new best friend that conformed to my very specific criteria whilst sat at home playing Shadow…

In the words of Diana Ross

Part one; in which everyone asks me that question Dig, if you will, the picture, as my never-to-be-forgotten hero Prince once said. It’s a Thursday morning, the very small hours, and we’re sat on a sticky carpet in the long shadows of another indie night. Emily and I are not engaged in a kiss, not…

How can I tell if my sex drive is changing?

One of the things I noticed on my journey to the nonbinary side – and at some point, I intend to talk about how I refer to much more than gender when I use that term – was that my sexuality had started to become much more fluid. While I had gay heroes growing up,…

Why did we decide to write this blog? Because we want to!

July, 1998. It doesn’t really matter what the date was, because it was the whole of July and the whole of the previous three or four years too. Generally I’d be lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling, wrestling with our old friend insomnia. Sometimes I could fend him off with a combination of…